A Funny Postscript, and a Recipe for Weenie Gravy

Got a call this afternoon from a friend who had heard  via the grapevine that That Man decided I was "too fucking smart" for him. She challenged him on this and reports the conversation went like this:

"What do you mean, Xanne is too fucking smart for you? You just mean she's intelligent, right? Or do you mean you'd like her better if she WEREN'T smarter than you?"

That Man: "Uh, I don't know. Sheesh. What's the big deal?

Friend:  "Your comment is offensive to smart women, that's what. Are you saying she'd be ok to date if she had no brains?"

Long pause. Then: "Honestly, I don't know why I said that. Maybe it's because her tits aren't very big for her size."

Ouch. 

In honor of that comment, I present Weenie Gravy. You'd think it would be one tiny weenie in a whole lot of hot water, but it's not. The water is thickened somewhat.

Now, if I had to make this a deluxe version, I'd buy high-quality frankfurters, which is NOT an oxymoron, and I'd brown the hell out of them in some sweet hot butter, and use that as the basis for my roux. But this is a dish for a stupid asshole who hurt my feelings (not to mention being my old friend's fourth stepfather's favorite dish) so I give you the horrible recipe as I learned it.

Boil a couple of hot dogs in about a cup of hot water. When the dogs are cooked, pour off the dogs and the water, and heat the now-empty sauce pan over the flame until it's dry. Add two tablespoons of fat--bacon grease, butter, oleo, what have you, and allow it to melt. Fancy cooks might use a combination of bacon fat and butter, it depends on how much you love the heart health of the person you're inflicting this on--er, cooking this for. When it melts, add two tablespoons of flour, stirring it well into the mix, and allow it to bubble all over. This bubbling cooks the roux (pronounced "roo" to rhyme with, well, "poo") and gives it a cooked taste. Again, if you were all fancy-like, you could cook the hell out of it to a dark brown and make it sort of Cajun, but you're cooking it for some weenie, like the jerk who thinks my tatas are too small to waste any time on, so just cook it a bit. (Yeah, because big tits will bail you out of jail, or cook you dinner, or be there for you.) Then add that cup or so of weenie water, mix, and let it boil 'til thick and---- I almost wrote "yummy." This thing could boil 'til hell freezes over and it would never be yummy. I suppose if I made it with good quality franks, butter/bacon fat, a thick and dense stock made from high-quality meats and a hit of cream, not to mention assorted fine seasonings, it might be palatable.

But as it is now--a thinnish greyish sauce with hunks of pink weenie--it is suitable for jerks to eat. Eat this, Jerk, and know that my precious self is filet mignon while you are pig lips and sphincters held together in a gelatinous mass. (If only you weren't such a damn fine kisser.)

Will take a picture, later, when I stop kicking the furniture...