CD, Blue Movie, DVD

I had to go to a major tourist area today where vendors serenaded me with cries of "Big size for you, Ma'am" and "Cd, Blue Movie, DVD." Charming.  I ducked into the very prominent CD shop where I occasionally buy Cds and DVDs and lo and behold, 90% of the stock was gone, and only very legal locally made products were on display on the shelves. Kicking myself for not having picked up the complete "Buffy" series on my last trip, I asked a person working there if they still had movies. "Oh yes," she said wearily, "but not where the cops can see. Follow me." I followed her through a rabbit warren of mazes to find myself in front of an unmarked door. She opened it, pushed me through, and said something to the very startled-looking person behind the cash register which was the equivalent of "Hey man, she's cool." I guess I passed the "cool" test as I was allowed to browse. I picked up a half-seasons' worth of  a TV show (the first 12 or so episodes of the new season are available usually right after Spring Festival), paid, and fled. As I left, I noticed a trail of other "cool enough" pilgrims winding their way through the maze, one a white family so clearly from the US they might as well have had the Stars and Stripes plastered across their asses.

Here's my deal: Chinese TV sucks. Even if you speak Chinese well enough to follow the plots and get the jokes, the humor is of the slapstick,  the plot lines and sets of the "La Hora Del Ganas" variety, with stock characters, lots of shrieking and pointing of fingers, pouting, and whining. And that's just the men. The women are shrill harridans who harass their husbands, boyfriends, and children. Most actors make The Three Stooges look like masters of the "less is more" school of acting. Soap operas feature very very thin young unpleasant people who pout because they are given a Mercedes instead of a BMW. The few "poor" people on the soaps are unfailingly perfect but one-dimensional. You can pick up the plot at just about any juncture and you won't be wrong. On my favorite, which I call "Young PLA Officers in Love" you can guess the characters just by the hair style: here's the Bitch, the Vixen, the Virgin, the Smart One, and the (implied) Whore. (And again, that's just the men.) Other characters include The Fat Fool (which, granted, sometimes I get to play) and the Ambitious Throat-Cutting Bastard, who is usually the lead.  Given the lack of plots, of characterization, of really terrible sets, costumes, and production value overall, why would I WANT to watch it? There's more depth in an episode of Ozzie and Harriet, more subtle art in a Restoration Comedy. I don't even have my TV hooked up right now because there's nothing I can bear for more than five minutes, including the so-called "English programs" which have become largely Chinese-language over the last few years. (Outlook English, anyone?)

So yeah, I do buy DVDs and no, I am not that careful to check to see that they have the proper stamp that shows that they are official copies. I don't even know what that looks like. But bear this in mind: I do not use my computer to file share, I pay for all the music I listen to, courtesy of I-tunes, and the few television shows I really follow avidly ---Mad Men, and Glee-- I also pay for, again courtesy of I-tunes. It takes about 24 hours to download an hour-long episode, but I figure I'm worth it. Since I don't buy the products that sponsor the shows, I figure the least I can do is pay my three bucks to watch the program. Do I download and burn discs? No. Enough's enough. I wish I could watch TV for free through Hulu or some of those other sites, but they're blocked in China, and going through a VPN isn't foolproof. I'm happy to pay for my shows, and to support the industry in a clean and legitimate way. If I could access more, I'd pay for more: but as it is, once in a while, a local shop just happens to have what I want, and I give in.