I've been thinking about this Man Thing that's going on in my life. One of the reasons I have stayed single is the horrific marriage I had which kind of left me scarred and stupid--other reasons include the fact that I lived a very isolated existence as an expat raising a child on her own, coupled with the fact that I'm in a female-dominated profession. Plus, there aren't a whole lot of single guys my age out there, and getting freakishly fat a few years ago didn't help. Also--I have great taste in friends, and lousy taste in men I date. Lots of factors contribute to my general singleness, including the biggets one: I have never met a single (unattached) man I thought should be with me the rest of my life.
I have met married men that became good friends, I have met female friends, married or not, whom I will know my entire life (if I'm lucky) but I have yet to meet someone single of whom I could say, "My life would be so much better if I stick with you. I'll be happier if I have you to come home to, I'll have someone who has my back. Be mine." For me it's not about the house and the ring and the car--it's more about the basic premise of "I enjoy the HELL out of your company and I trust you do to right by both of us. Come on, let's get going." According to my psych professor, if you don't have a "successful" relationship in your teens you are never going to have one as an adult. Well, I didn't have a "successful" relationship in my teens and if that fact alone dooms me to being single forever, so be it.
But I did think about how nice it would be to have someone I can count on to play Scrabble with, or to mess around in the kitchen with. So I thought about drafting an ad. I'm not sure where I would run it, but it would go something like this:
Woman of words seeks man of numbers.
Wanted: someone who thinks I'm cute and funny and who wants to make me laugh. Me: I can cook like a dream and will actually wash your clothes, separating the whites from the darks, and using Downy, but you have to put them away. I support myself and my child, you support yourself and your dependents. What's left over we can blow on books, food, music, travel, and maybe a brick oven. Looks not important, but do be healthy enough to tie up your own laces. Love of organic gardening and microbrewing a plus. Must love my dogs. I promise to not be catty about your exes, and will tolerate if not love your pets, friends, children, quirks and colleagues. Klingon a plus but not a necessity. Mean people need not apply.
What do you think? Does it cover everything? I think the microbrewing eliminates the closet fairies, as does the suggestion I will bleach your whites, which means handling them first. Looks? Is that too harsh? Honestly, I am sick of handsome and the problems that go along with being goodlooking. How about a nice, normal face? Good grooming but not manscaping? How about clean? What's more attractive than that? I had a HUGE crush on someone once who was probably one of the least attractive men on the planet in terms of facial features and to some extent body shape but OH what a mind! So kind, so funny, so thoughtful, so effing smart! And such a good husband--his wife lit up when he entered the room (hell, we all did) and everyone felt better for having come into contact with this gorgeous, gorgeous man who looked like a frog but treated every woman like a princess.
I'm not asking for someone to support me--I do that just fine, thank you. I don't want someone to shoulder the responsibility of putting my daughter through school: that's a private family matter and we're coping with it just fine. You know what I want? Just like the title of the movie says, I Just Want Someone to Eat Cheese With. Swing dancing a plus.
I have met married men that became good friends, I have met female friends, married or not, whom I will know my entire life (if I'm lucky) but I have yet to meet someone single of whom I could say, "My life would be so much better if I stick with you. I'll be happier if I have you to come home to, I'll have someone who has my back. Be mine." For me it's not about the house and the ring and the car--it's more about the basic premise of "I enjoy the HELL out of your company and I trust you do to right by both of us. Come on, let's get going." According to my psych professor, if you don't have a "successful" relationship in your teens you are never going to have one as an adult. Well, I didn't have a "successful" relationship in my teens and if that fact alone dooms me to being single forever, so be it.
But I did think about how nice it would be to have someone I can count on to play Scrabble with, or to mess around in the kitchen with. So I thought about drafting an ad. I'm not sure where I would run it, but it would go something like this:
Woman of words seeks man of numbers.
Wanted: someone who thinks I'm cute and funny and who wants to make me laugh. Me: I can cook like a dream and will actually wash your clothes, separating the whites from the darks, and using Downy, but you have to put them away. I support myself and my child, you support yourself and your dependents. What's left over we can blow on books, food, music, travel, and maybe a brick oven. Looks not important, but do be healthy enough to tie up your own laces. Love of organic gardening and microbrewing a plus. Must love my dogs. I promise to not be catty about your exes, and will tolerate if not love your pets, friends, children, quirks and colleagues. Klingon a plus but not a necessity. Mean people need not apply.
What do you think? Does it cover everything? I think the microbrewing eliminates the closet fairies, as does the suggestion I will bleach your whites, which means handling them first. Looks? Is that too harsh? Honestly, I am sick of handsome and the problems that go along with being goodlooking. How about a nice, normal face? Good grooming but not manscaping? How about clean? What's more attractive than that? I had a HUGE crush on someone once who was probably one of the least attractive men on the planet in terms of facial features and to some extent body shape but OH what a mind! So kind, so funny, so thoughtful, so effing smart! And such a good husband--his wife lit up when he entered the room (hell, we all did) and everyone felt better for having come into contact with this gorgeous, gorgeous man who looked like a frog but treated every woman like a princess.
I'm not asking for someone to support me--I do that just fine, thank you. I don't want someone to shoulder the responsibility of putting my daughter through school: that's a private family matter and we're coping with it just fine. You know what I want? Just like the title of the movie says, I Just Want Someone to Eat Cheese With. Swing dancing a plus.
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