Christmas Carols

I do love Christmas carols: I love to listen to them and I particularly love to sing them. I have a deep fondness for "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" as it is the first song I became cognizant of knowing all the words to...I was five, it was California, and I was standing on a pipe in front yard, twisting around by pushing my foot against the pipe, singing the song softly, when I realized that I had sung the entire song straight through: the knowledge that I had sung an entire song was electrifying: I have seldom felt such a sense of accomplishment and pride in myself since then. I also love "On the First Noel" but for different reasons: I just like the tune.

These two songs are on the list of songs that can be sung at my mother's house, but God forbid anyone sing from the List of Forbidden Songs. It's not that they're forbidden, it's just that daring to hum as much as a single bar will bring a load of shit down upon your head that you will never dare to even think of the melody again. Oddly enough, both are innocent, popular songs: the wildly inoffensive Silent Night, and O Holy Night.

 I have loved Silent Night since I was a small child singing "Round John Virgin." My older sister Sissy gave me a lot of crap about getting the words wrong, but it's my mother who still goes ape shit when she hears this song. Normally the nicest woman on the planet, something about this song forces her eyes into tiny slits contorted with rage while she hisses, "Silent? SILENT? What the HELL is so SILENT about it when all those damn people are SINGING!" Despite the propaganda TV mustered on the origins of the song--come on, we've all seen the creepy black-and-white Story of Silent Night either at school or late-night TV--the beauty of its inception eludes Mom. I have tried to explain: snowy Christmas Eve, a little candle-lit church, a  choir of small boys singing to a single guitar, the hush and stillness...however, the point escapes her and I dread being in public when the ubiquitous tune begins to play. Mom will be doing something charitable and kind--say, writing Salvation Army a big ol' check to drop in the bucket--and suddenly she'll hear it--the song, her nemesis, her Kindness Kryptonite--and her eyes will narrow into tiny slits while her face contorts with rage and she begins the tirade, "Silent? SILENT? What the HELL is so SILENT about it when all those damn people are SINGING!"

The other song I love but don't dare sing aloud is O Holy Night. There's a background story: to cut it short, suffice to say at a holiday gathering, when one of our talented lot was singing O Holy Night to her own accompaniment on a grand piano, Sissy began to feel ill: she dashed to the bathroom and in her panic neglected to shut the door, and the family was treated to the simulcast spectacle of her falling violently to her knees in front of the porcelain throne and vomiting noisily and copiously just as the lines, "Fall on your knees/O Hear the angel voices!" were being warbled by a trained soprano...Naturally we fell into hysterics at the sight. (We're kind of mean that way.) Sissy has loathed that song ever since, and as a sort of cosmic revenge, the singer (deeply offended) went on to fame and fortune and Grammy nominations while Sissy married someone who, when he vomits, sounds as if he's channeling  Satan. I still love the song, though.

I've loaded up the Ipod with lots of Christmas tunes and I keep the ear buds in around the clock. I learned the necessity of having holiday tunes around the Christmas I had no music except for an Amy Grant tape which was on loan to me for a few hours. (The horror! The horror!)  I have Karaoke versions too, so I can warble at will. I don't have my favorite carol, the Shepard's Farewell, or other old favorites, such as Hark Silver Bells, but I do have Santa Baby and I'm cooking up a version of it for a staff Christmas potluck which, if successful, will ensure I never have to coach the school drama club or choir again. Wish me luck.