I have a pal at school, my age, whom I thought I could talk to about pop culture. He's the only one I know who can throw off a witty line using terms like "peer-reviewed journal" which to me is a real plus in someone to hang with. So, we're sitting in the cafeteria at school, surrounded by students, when he confesses he's eating light to --and I quote---triple his testosterone and have fifteen minute orgasms. Again--lunch time--surrounded by students. There must be some part of me that takes sick delight in the crazy shit people say and do, because I didn't get up and walk out at that point. Oh, no, I asked more, specifically, why would he want to triple his testosterone and what did 15 minute orgasms have to do with anything. Now I'm sure he has his side of this story--"She was fascinated and turned on!" but in truth I was really quite shocked and not sure what to say. I know this guy has a Chinese girlfriend--helloooooo, white man, single, in China--although he's been at great pains never to mention her around me. (Which I also find interesting, but that's another post.)
Oh, he amended, the 15 minute orgasm is for the woman. But he hasn't read that chapter in the book yet, he's just on the four-hour body building and diet section. But he's going to spend the weekend on the 15 minute thing.
All right: eew. It gets worse. Three thoughts are running through my head; first, what a cad to talk about this during lunch. Second, what a cad to talk about this to ME, as he knows damn well I just broke up with a lover and lost a friend in the process and I am definitely not in the mood to hear about sex, and third, if this is his way of letting me know he has a girlfriend so I don't "get ideas" what an absurdly stupid way to go about it. Dude, I not only know he has a very thin young chick but that he's cheating on her with a girl he met at Chocolate (a bar) six weeks ago. THAT'S the sort of town this is. So I said, "You know I just broke up with someone. Discussing this with me is like waving a box of caramels in front of a diabetic." He countered with something or other--I don't recall what--and I responded with, "This is you telling me about a great party you're throwing with champagne to which I am NOT invited." The subject changed, as a student came up and asked a question and he sent her off on a merry chase, but in my soul I just thought, yeeeeech.
Remember how I said it gets worse? Well, right after a staff meeting he sat and talked with me about--of all things--Christmas day when he was a child. I was thinking that perhaps the 15 minute orgasm was firmly off the table when he whipped out his iPad and showed me the chapter on that topic. Reader, I read: I critiqued. I know the research and the researchers and I read on and made my usual witty and pithy comments. Suddenly he slammed it shut and told me he had promised himself to go play his sax and he left. I went home and felt awful. Jesus, am I the sort of woman men think of as one of the guys?
So today I put on a Mutton-Dressed-As-Lamb pink dress, took a deep breath, and when he brought up the 15 minute thingy again I said I was not one of the boys and this talk was not right. I'm no prude, but I don't want to hear about other women. Change of subject. Then he mentioned he's going to stay at a hotel in a nearby city and I directed him to one of my favorites. I stayed there once with Mr.-He-Broke-My-Heart-Recently and then I felt really bummed out. I just sent someone to shag at my favorite hotel and he's not shagging me. Ugh. I went home, ate dinner, took a nap, and hooked up my Wii for a good work out. I do feel better now but I am wondering a bit: why would someone--even someone as basically clueless as this man--think it's ok to talk about sex techniques at a high school during lunch to a woman he doesn't even date? I mean, why the HELL would THAT subject come up between people who have never had so much as a beer together? Anyone who has an answer, don't hesitate to write. Sigh.
No comments:
Post a Comment