I've been blessed with the ability to perform and to carry a tune, which means at some point I've been on stage singing, either with a band or as part of that divine thing, musical theatre. Musical theatre is a lot of fun to do, but excruciatingly awful for most to watch. I'd rather NOT see Starlight Express, thank you, nor do I ever want to hear One Rock And Roll Too Many ever sung again, particularly by that chick from a past season on American Idol who also did that creepy baby wail.
At one point in my life I sang professionally, not as a diva on some operatic stage, but as a regular feature on a sleazy nightclub circuit in Tokyo. I started out as a bar girl, meaning I sat at tables, wiped the fingerprints off the clients' glasses, and stirred their heavily watered down whiskey and water for them. Since it had a KTV component--hey, it WAS Japan in the 80's--I was also paid to get up and sing for the customers, their choice. This evolved eventually into a regular gig with a regular set list and my very own eight-track cassette tape which traveled with me from club to club. It didn't occur to me until years later that I looked a lot like a prostitute, as I jumped from one waiting car to another, with different clubs sending different drivers out to pick me up and get to me the next gig. I have sung "My Way" more than any other white girl living, but I have never sung it cold sober and I hope I never have to. (Must write sometime about the Soapland gig which gave me such a severe case of self-worthlessness that I didn't sing again for twenty years.)
My newfound life, post-Baby Girl leaving for college, has sent me the opportunity to get back up on stage again. So, I've formed a few groups to do a few numbers, and we've had the usual discussions on what to call ourselves. I'm usually good at names and I proposed the ones we're using straight off the bat. No, I'm not telling you what they are. But I then came up with some of my favorites, which I will share with you:
An all-girl, over fifty years of age band called Iron Maidenhead. We never smile, and we play hard rock.
Another all-girl rock band, Nine Inch Nail Salon. We play a fusion of New Romantics and Death Metal.
And, the last one in honor of my friend's truly horrifying wife, Skank. Perhaps Skank can open for Iron Maidenhead sometime. (About the truly horrifying wife: I stopped by their house one day to drop off a yogurt maker and she answered the door in a bondage outfit and said, "You here for threesome?" and I said no, just dropping off the yogurt maker for your husband and she replied, "He not here. You have five hundred kuai, I let you watch." So yeah, Skank. Could be so much worse.)
Another note: in a country where no one can use English correctly to identify even and odd numbers (even big-ass theatres refer to seats as "single and doubles" when they mean odd and even numbers--and your tickets have all the evens clustered together in rows on the right, and odds in rows on the left--everyone seems to know how to use the term "threesome." Why, God, why?
At one point in my life I sang professionally, not as a diva on some operatic stage, but as a regular feature on a sleazy nightclub circuit in Tokyo. I started out as a bar girl, meaning I sat at tables, wiped the fingerprints off the clients' glasses, and stirred their heavily watered down whiskey and water for them. Since it had a KTV component--hey, it WAS Japan in the 80's--I was also paid to get up and sing for the customers, their choice. This evolved eventually into a regular gig with a regular set list and my very own eight-track cassette tape which traveled with me from club to club. It didn't occur to me until years later that I looked a lot like a prostitute, as I jumped from one waiting car to another, with different clubs sending different drivers out to pick me up and get to me the next gig. I have sung "My Way" more than any other white girl living, but I have never sung it cold sober and I hope I never have to. (Must write sometime about the Soapland gig which gave me such a severe case of self-worthlessness that I didn't sing again for twenty years.)
My newfound life, post-Baby Girl leaving for college, has sent me the opportunity to get back up on stage again. So, I've formed a few groups to do a few numbers, and we've had the usual discussions on what to call ourselves. I'm usually good at names and I proposed the ones we're using straight off the bat. No, I'm not telling you what they are. But I then came up with some of my favorites, which I will share with you:
An all-girl, over fifty years of age band called Iron Maidenhead. We never smile, and we play hard rock.
Another all-girl rock band, Nine Inch Nail Salon. We play a fusion of New Romantics and Death Metal.
And, the last one in honor of my friend's truly horrifying wife, Skank. Perhaps Skank can open for Iron Maidenhead sometime. (About the truly horrifying wife: I stopped by their house one day to drop off a yogurt maker and she answered the door in a bondage outfit and said, "You here for threesome?" and I said no, just dropping off the yogurt maker for your husband and she replied, "He not here. You have five hundred kuai, I let you watch." So yeah, Skank. Could be so much worse.)
Another note: in a country where no one can use English correctly to identify even and odd numbers (even big-ass theatres refer to seats as "single and doubles" when they mean odd and even numbers--and your tickets have all the evens clustered together in rows on the right, and odds in rows on the left--everyone seems to know how to use the term "threesome." Why, God, why?
No comments:
Post a Comment