The Words Change, But the Melody Stays the Same

A conversation going on all over Beijing at this very minute:

He: (white guy on cell phone to Chinese girlfriend) No, go ahead and eat dinner, I told you I was eating out.

He: Eating out! With people from the office! I told you! So go ahead and eat.

Pause.

He: No, I'm not leaving now to bring you a bowl of noodles. You know how to order them, you speak Chinese. 

Pause.

He: So, then have something from the fridge.

Pause.

He: Yes, she's here. Of course she's here, she's my boss! She's like, 14 years older than I am. Chill out!

Pause.

He: I'm sorry you're in pain. So take a pain pill. No, I don't know what cramps feel like.

Much high pitched squealing emerging from the cell phone. He listens, grimacing, then starts taking notes.

Two minutes later: he gets off the phone, orders some noodles and leaves, take out container in hand. His colleagues sigh and return to discussing tomorrow's big presentation. You know, the one HE is supposed to lead.

However, I heard a variation tonight. I should mention that I have recently become pals--and nothing more, btw--with a much older Australian self-made millionaire. I was initially attracted to what's beneath the belt (and I don't mean wallet) but a few dinners out convinced me he's a lot more fun over a dinner table than under it. (Enough said.) He IS fun, and I've learned a lot, and that's what counts.

Since he's wealthy as all get out, he has a string of young admirers, and a handful of mature ones too. We met for a quick pint so he could get my take on a business venture (he loves my brains, a feature I find highly desirable in any man) and as we gulped down a cold one his phone rang.

"Bloody Xiao Xiao again," he grumbled. "Oi'm teyeking this outsoide." (Which is where we were.) So lucky me, I got to hear the following:

"Oy, yeah, hell yeah it's me. You rang me. Who the hell did you think you were calling?"

Pause.

"No one at home? No food? And you have cramps? Well, ain't that a right pisser?" Click!

He turned back to me with a beatific smile. "I'm the only white  guy in China who idn't pussy whipped yet. Jesus, I feel sorry for the poor Yank bastard who married that bird."

Note: Sadly, I know the poor Yank bastard who IS married to that bird, and guess what? He thinks she's pregnant!

I promise to start writing about sunshine rainbow pony club again, and all that goes with it, but pardon me a tad while I smirk.