Chinglish Strikes Again

Let's say you want to pass an exam in English so you can go to the US to study for your university degree. Do you a) learn how to speak English, or 2) spend a huge amount of time and money learning to parrot enough English hoping to pass your English language exam? Well, sadly, many people think they don't have to learn English in order to survive and prosper in the US; in fact, they often tell me, university in the US is "so easy" and all they really need is to learn HOW to pass TOEFL and SAT. (Interestingly enough, when students of Chinese language need to take the test of Chinese proficiency known as HSK, they take language classes and don't try to get by on memorizing huge lists of phrases and test questions they might encounter--they simply student Chinese and hope they have enough knowledge to pass the appropriate level exam. Trust me, I'm one of them.)

Not to bring you down,  kids, SAT is not strictly necessary for most students coming from China. Check out the websites of major universities, such as University of Washington, and you'll see it's NOT compulsory for students from Mainland China. The fact it's not offered here may be the reason--students have to go to Hong Kong or Singapore to take it (unless they're foreign passport holders, that is.) The tests they can take here to demonstrate language competence, TOEFL included, are thought by many Chinese students  to be "easy" and students usually don't take language lessons in order to bring their language up to the level where they can operate at CALP level  (cognitive academic language proficiency) but rather, they take elaborate and inefficient classes in "how to pass exam."

This consists of memorizing huge amounts of oral dialogues, long responses, and essays in hopes that they will be asked during the interview or test.  I'll post some examples of "natural sounding monologues", warts and all, so you get an idea of the sort of misguided error-ridden tripe being pushed on students as "authentic word speaking!"  Often during an exam, someone hears a key word--hometown, for example--and spews forth a pre-digested garbled monologue on the subject beginning "MY HOMETOWN IS AIR FRESH AND THE PEOPLE IS SO FRIEND", never realizing that the question was about home GROWN vegetables versus those purchased in a store. This memorized language might actually work for some tests, like the TOEFL ibt, perhaps, but it doesn't do a student any good when they arrive in the US and find that they cannot talk to their roommates, order food in a restaurant, or understand a single word of a university lecture. Yeah, THEN they'll wish they had paid attention in my English classes, the little darlin's.

I've been hearing this memorized language for so long now that I am starting to flinch when I hear certain trite phrases. Worse, I can trace the evolution (or devolution) of certain hackneyed phrases. For example, I am certain to hear, "In fact you can say I am shopaholic," and "Frankly speaking, my English name Helen," and "It is crystal clear in fact it is not my cup of tea." Worse, I read that shite in student essays. As for the de-evolution I mentioned, here goes:  about four years ago, I heard student after student say, "broaden my horizon and increase my knowledge-y."  English teachers took arms against the sea of "horizons"  screaming hysterically that this was a CLICHE and STOP USING IT and after two or so years the local English schools then started to teach, "broaden my vision." This devolved a month or two ago to "broaden my eye sight," and today I heard the next stage. Yes, someone actually said, "Broaden my eyebrow." Pray to God it doesn't catch on.