Indulgence

I've just spent a few weeks on the East Coast, not of China, but of the US. I love New England and I'm always glad when I have a chance to spend some time there. Once I get over the shock of the ocean being on the wrong side (I'm from California) I get along just fine. The fashion! The food! The ethnic diversity! But mostly, the food.

I had not planned on getting out of China this summer but I was starting to hate everybody and everything, which was a sure sign that it was time to get out. They say when the footprints on the toilet seat are yours, it's time to leave. I was staying at a five-star hotel, dashed into the lobby toilet to wee, and found the tell-tale footprints. (Not mine, but still...it was a five star hotel! Who could afford to stay there who was still so City Mouse that they were STILL jumping up on the Western toilet seat and treating it like a squatter?)

The flight over was a nightmare. It was a packed flight, mostly Chinese on their way to shop for bargains. (Yeah, I know. The irony.)  The passengers were the sort who had brought their own food and who refused to sit in their assigned seats. Much food was passed back and forth among family members, cucumbers and jianbing being passed over my head, tossed to Grandma up in Business class down to Young Male Shit of the Family up in first, from Mom in Steerage. Ugh. 

Two incidents: rather than speak to me in either English or Chinese, the girl on the inside seat of our row simply climbed over me---I was awakened by the rudest sort of lap dance from an unattractive bitch and while screaming out my objections in fluent Mandarin (I believe I said, "What, are you mute? I speak Chinese, damn it! You could have said something!") She blinked and from then on would jab me viciously in the shoulder every time she wanted to get up, which was every hour on the hour precisely. 

Second incident: waiting to use the toilet. Nice Older White Guy in front of me in the line. Young Male Shit of the Family exits toilet: Nice Older White Guy enters then walks out in fear and anger. "He pissed all over everything! The ceiling, the  floor, the walls, the sink, everything! Even on the toilet paper!" Then, to my intense surprise, Nice Older White Guy (NOWG) went back in, rolled up his sleeves, and CLEANED IT UP. All of it. After scrubbing the hell out of his hands, he locked the door, did his business, and then exited. I walked into a clean toilet. NOWG had even wiped the sink as a courtesy for me, the next passenger. The man deserves a medal and I said as much. He commented as he left, "These goddamn people get a little bit of money and stop being human."

I definitely needed an Attitude Adjustment, as I spent the first week glaring at anyone speaking Mandarin, wanting to shout, "Get back to China, dammit, and quit spoiling MY vacation!" I didn't mind hearing Cantonese, or Japanese, or Laotian, or French--just Mandarin set me off.

However, my anger began to subside with the first bite of lobster and by the time I had slammed down my last glass of Moxie, it was gone. I gained about eight pounds, but I lost the pissy attitude, which in the long run does my heart and soul rather more good.

This is a partial list of what I ate and drank:

Lobster rolls, lobster bisque, cheddar cheese nachos, sweet and sour chicken, ribs, brisket, real kosher dills the size of my fist, Manhattan Special Espresso Soda (both regular and sugar free), black and white cookies, Sabrett hot dogs, pastrami on rye, New York Cheesecake, pizza on the street, raspberry pie, blackberry pie, blueberry pie, chocolate chip cookies with Heath toffee bits, Moxie, deli sandwiches, pumpkin granola, vegetarian corn dogs, Dunkin Donuts, Honeydo Donuts, Hostess Lemon Pies, Snoballs, Ben and Jerry's Red Velvet Cake Ice Cream, Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Brownie Ice Cream, Popsicles, Fro Yo, Cheesecake Factory cheesecake (not as good as Moonstruck Deli's) and many, many Icees.

Look at the list and marvel that it was only eight pounds in two weeks.