World Peace and Other Anomalies

Some day I will be able to write freely about That Other Jobs I Have which involves listening to non-native English speakers speaking at great length about a variety of topics--few of their responses actually matching any of the prompts I give them. Well, when that day comes, I will share freely the joys the sitting with a serious expression  while someone informs me solemnly that they have "a god heart, "  the image of Jesus of the Sacred Heart leaping into my mind. As I've written before, I'm not supposed to admit I judge these contests, even though I appear annually on TV on one of the bigger events, but there you are: I spend an inordinate amount of time listening to people engage in  English-language debates while looking grave and interested in every utterance. I am a Phonic Whore, paid to look pleased and impressed while my mind is miles and miles away. David Moser--probably the most famous American in China right now--said it best when he said, "I sat with a straight face while a contestant spoke about his only desire--World Piss--for a full three minutes."  It was, no doubt, the hardest money he ever earned.